dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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