so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
