I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
