is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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