Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
