i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
