I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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