You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
