she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize