I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Come see our sink grown plant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
