Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can text with my tongue
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
