I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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