Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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