I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
