it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
