Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize