I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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