There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
