Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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