I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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