I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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