Non-Jews are for practice
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
