i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
