in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
