It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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