I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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