remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bring me that man meat
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
