: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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