we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
