i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
