Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
