my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
