Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
