It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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