Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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