Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
