You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize