Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
