i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
