how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
