You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
