I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
