it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
