my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
