i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
