Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize