Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
