I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
