You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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