did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your cock deserves a montage
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
