Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
