pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
