Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
