Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
