He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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