i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
