If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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