Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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