I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
