Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
