The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize