The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
