i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want nice things and good sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
