Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
