She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
