so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
