I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
