I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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