god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
