Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
