I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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