Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
