tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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