Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
