No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
