I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
