My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
