On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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