My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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