I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize