There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
