Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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