I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
