I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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