My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there's paper in my vomit.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
