I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
