it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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