i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
