plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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