found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
