Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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