no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
