left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
